Use ‘we’ or ‘us’ as couples and stay happy
POSTED January 30, 2010 - 06:49 | POSTED BY Jyoti Pal
Last edited by Kangna Agarwal on January 30, 2010 - 10:37
Furthermore, the beneficial effects of using ‘We’ instead of ‘I’ hold true not only for individuals but extend to couples also.
To use and the ones not to be used
The upshot of this new study, conducted by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, is that the use of word ‘We’ does wonders and leads to a happier marriage.
“Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” said Robert Levenson, professor of psychology and co-author of the study.
The other words to be used to keep yourself and your partner united and enhance the probability of weathering the tough times are “our” and “us.”
“We-ness” is the lingo that partners who are better able to resolve conflicts converse in, claims the study.
“I,” “me” and “you” is what creates a problem and should therefore be shunned, suggests the research.
‘We’ creates sense of partnership
For the purpose of the study, researchers followed 154 middle-aged and older married couples. The theme of the discussion with these participants was based on reasons of disagreement in their marriages.
The analysis revealed that conversations tended to go on smoothly and were physically less stressful for the individuals concerned when the word “we” was used.
In contrast, couples were found not to be so content in their marriages when they emphasized their "separateness" by employing pronouns such as "I," "me" and "you" in their speech.
Older couples identified themselves more as "we," suggesting that being together longer through the thick and thin of life had made their relations stronger as compared to the middle-aged couples.
Co-author Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at UC Berkeley, averred, “The use of ‘we’ language is a natural outgrowth of a sense of partnership, of being on the same team, and confidence in being able to face problems together.”
The findings of the study have been published in the Journal Psychology and Aging.
