Posted by Sandhya Joseph on December 22, 2010
<strong>Arguments usually happen when two people have different views on the same issue. Each person passionately believes that he or she is right and the other is wrong. Constant arguments can cause unnecessary stress and bitterness.</strong>

Here's what you can do to avoid arguments:

1. Clarify the Issue and Do Not Jump to Conclusions
Sometimes arguments occur as a result of miscommunication or misunderstanding. One individual mistakenly believes that the other has deliberately said or done something hurtful or nasty, while the second person involved has no idea that someone was hurt or offended by his actions or words.

The best thing to do here is to have a calm, mature conversation instead of blowing a fuse.

2. Listen to the Other Person
Listening to someone who is criticizing you is the hardest thing to do. But it is one of the best ways to avoid an argument. Make the other person feel that they are ‘being heard.’ When the person who is arguing with you realizes that you are making an attempt to listen and understand why he or she is so upset, the amount of resentment that they feel towards you will reduce.

Often in the midst of an argument both parties will make petty accusing statements that have no real bearing on the current issue being discussed. For example, while arguing about how to invest family savings, the wife might blame the husband for forgetting to pick up the kids from school the previous week. The husband will respond by complaining about the burned omelette that was served a month back.

Listening carefully will help you identify and stay focused on the real issue that lies at the heart of the flare up.

3.Put yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes
When you make an effort to see things from the other person’s perspective, you might realize that they are not being unreasonable.

4. Do Not Provoke the Other Person Further
Stay calm. Exercise control over your tongue. Do not shout. Do not say hurtful things. Avoid making blames ‘you did this’ and ‘you said that’ statements. When you make accusing statements the situation can go from bad to worse quickly because the other person will feel obligated to defend himself/herself by launching verbal counter attacks.

5.Do Not Start an Argument
If you find yourself fuming over something, it is perhaps best not to discuss the issue immediately with the person who has upset you. Step back and give yourself a little time (a few minutes or hours) to regain control over your emotions. Go for a short walk, listen to music, or simply talk to a friend with a patient ear. You can discuss the issue that upset you (with the person who has hurt your feelings) after you have regain composure.

6.Call a Time-out
In sports, calling a "time out" refers to stopping a game for a while. The game resumes after this short break. Have a predetermined agreement with your spouse, best friend or business partner. If an argument begins to get out of hand with no end in sight, simply call a time-out. Stop talking and step back for a few hours or days. Resume discussion on the issue after both sides have gained sufficient perspective.

7.Seek Professional Help
Arguments are an inevitable part of every relationship. But in some relationships arguments become a daily habitual occurrence. In such cases they can gradually destroy the foundation of that relationship. If things get to this point, it is best to use the services of a psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling. A qualified professional will help you work through issues.

Remember, even your spouse, best friend, or a close family member is a unique individual with unique likes and dislikes that might be different from yours. Therefore, it is natural that sometimes they will have opinions that are different from yours.

Most arguments can be avoided if you learn to accept this fact and are willing to meet the other person half way.




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