Fighting Strengthens Relationships

Some Helpful Tips

1. Express anger but do not resort to abuse or violence.

2. A healthy fight is about feelings, not facts.

3. If a fight is not healthy it can exacerbate already-existent negative feelings.

4. A fight should never be a winning or losing competition.

Fair or foul, fighting is something all couples indulge in. No matter how much in love or committed you are, there will be times when you will bicker, argue, lash out, and hold grudges.

Conflicts may hurt, get you so worked up that you feel like smashing something, but in a larger context, fighting is healthy for a good relationship.

The logic behind this is simple. When you hang out with someone long enough, whether friends, beloved or family members, you will butt heads.

After all we are human! Our feelings get hurt; we make mistakes, get irritated, stressed out, cranky, feel misunderstood, and have opinions that clash.

So it’s natural for disagreements to create a bit of an emotional combustion. Exchanging heated words now and then is a means of putting your relationship issues on the table and then taking a step further to resolve them.

So how do you make sure your fighting is productive and not a free-for-all, WWF-style argument that may just ruin your relationship?

The Med Guru outlines some rules about fair fighting that will help strengthens your relationship, rather than destroy it.

1. Fight on Relevant Subjects
Fighting for the sake of fighting is a complete no-no. Though most of the time couples' fights concern silly, trivial things, there can be serious issues relating to money, kids, or even career that need to be addressed.

Rather than withdrawing into a silent furor, sit down and focus on subjects that your partner has the power to change or can help resolve. Not venting your feelings can just eat at you and your relationship.

2. Complain, don’t Criticize
There is a world of difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint addresses some external problem in an attempt to solving it, while criticism attacks your partner's character or personality.

During argument, don't point fingers, play blame games, yell or drag the past. Always keep in mind that this is a person you love and care about. Don't say things just to hurt them. That's destructive to a relationship.

3. Don’t get Pulled off Course
It’s very easy to deviate in the middle of an argument. We start a discussion on one subject and in the heat of the moment find ourselves yelling about an unconnected topic all together.

This should be avoided as it can evidently make the situation a lot more complicated.

4. Take a Time-Out
Timing is everything. Stop if you feel the fight is getting over-heated and the argument becoming abusive, volatile, and unproductive. Take a break and resume the discussion when you are calmer.

However, make sure you don’t bail in the middle of a fight but discuss things once you are back to your rational self. If a fight is allowed to simmer for days without resolution, it can be damaging.

5. Try to Reach Common Ground
Remember the aim of every argument to air out your grievances and see the other person perspective. The intention should be to arrive at a compromise, not prolong or provoke more conflict.

This can only be achieved if couples work together to keep harmony in their relationship even when discussing serious issues.

The bottom line: all couples fight, it's the fuel that keeps passion alive. The success of a relationship doesn't depend on how often you fight, but rather HOW you fight.

Keep the above points in mind, and chances are you and your partner will find common ground when the road gets rocky.