Keeping Sexual Interests Alive

The key to keeping sex a strong and vital part of marriage is being emotionally close to one another and working to strengthen all aspects of your relationship, not just sex. Here are some tips on obtaining lifelong intimacy.

• Make each other a priority:

Schedule the demands of work and children so that you both have some time to spend together every day, not just for sex but simply to be with each other.

• Accept each other:

Avoid criticizing and trying to reshape each other to fit an ideal. Each should try to ignore the other’s irritating habits if they are not serious, and think of the good traits, the ones that attracted you to each other in the first place.

• Talk frequently:

Discuss more than household. Increase your closeness by sharing your interests and concerns about work, hobbies, friends, relatives, and other outside involvements. And be sure to listen to one another.

• Be affectionate:

Make hugging, kissing, back rubbing, and touching a part of your everyday life. Do not limit displays of intimacy to the bedroom.

• Keep romance alive:

Be attentive to each other and give each other compliments. Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and other special events. Treat yourself to a night out.

• Maintain your appearance:

Try to keep yourself physically appealing by staying in shape and being neat and clean. Come to bed looking attractive.

• Make time for sex:

Set aside some time for sex other than late at night, when you both are exhausted and sleepy.

• Make sure you have privacy:

Lock the door. Take the phone off the hock or turn on the answering machine.

• Set the mood:

Dim the lights, put on music you both like, and make sure the room is at a comfortable temperature. If you find a scent arousing, use it very discreetly.

• Be responsive:

If one of you is not in the mood when the other suggests sex, try to go along any way; there’s a good chance you’ll get in the mood. On the other hand, if you start making love and discover you are really not in the mood, feel free to stop.

• Allow time for foreplay and afterplay:

Try arousing each other slowly, maybe start by just talking. Lie holding one another afterward, relaxing and enjoying your escape from outside cares.

• Be spontaneous:

Occasionally have unplanned sex or have sex in an unexpected place or a different position to add excitement to your love life.

• Communicate sexual wants:

Be clear about what you each want without being demanding or critical. Communicate non-verbally too.

• Experiment with sex:

Continue to learn about and try new techniques, positions and ways to please each other. Share your fantasies and let each other know what excites you.

• Learn to give:

Be generous to each other when making love. Never make receiving something in return a condition for giving your partner pleasure.

• Change your routine:

If you always make love on the same days, try changing them or try making love more than once.

• Laugh at sex:

Take a playful attitude towards sex and laugh if something you try does not work or is awkward or funny. Be silly together.

• Expect change:

Be aware that major events, such as becoming parents or changing jobs, as well as lesser stresses can temporarily sidetrack sex. One or both of you may have to put an extra effort into rekindling interest.

• Grow as a couple:

Realize that even though arousal may take longer as you grow old, you can still enjoy sex.