Single Parenting

When children are involved, a divorce isn’t an ending. It’s just the beginning of a long, challenging co-operative effort to do what’s best for the kids in a tough situation.

When divorced parents are frustrated and angry, they have a whole list of complaints against each other which leads to a total lack of communication. There is no healthy give-and-take, and the kids suffer.

What is important is that both parents still love their children. All one needs to have is a simple, honest communication. Listen to the other’s point of view, and make an effort to negotiate a workable agreement.

Often, a non-custodial father’s relationship with children depends heavily on the kids’ mother, so it is important to be civil. With a few adjustments one can learn to communicate with each other. There would inevitably be a lot of pain and bitterness between the adults, but it is important to put that aside and not make the kids suffer. Strive to avoid making accusations and getting upset.

Communication is the most important part of every successful parenting team. It would help, for the sake of the children, to be honest, swallow the pride and ego, and talk to each other. Here are three important things all separated single parents must do:

• Tell your children about the special circumstances of your family:

You can keep your children informed without telling them everything. If you talk to your kids early on, (keeping their age and readiness as well as your comfort level in mind), you can avoid having them learn from an outsider.

• Let kids be kids:

As a single parent, you might be burdened under more than your fair share of responsibilities and tackling a lot of stress as well. Perhaps, the circumstances have forced you to become serious. But it is really not your child’s fault that he is in such a situation. Don’t expect children to grow up faster and deal with the troubles you are having. They are children and should not have to worry about anything other than usual growing-up issues.

• Stay positive about the other parent:

Whatever the circumstances, don’t down talk the other parent. If your former partner is not being supportive, it’s not really your child’s problem. Your child needs to know that he is loved by the other partner, and that it just did not work between the two of you.

Psychologists emphasize that dealing wit the loss of affection from any one parent can be rather traumatic for the child.