Spare the Rod and the Child

Parents who understand their role in scripting their child’s future are the ones who have identified the gravity of discipline in setting their children on the right path.

While, it is getting more and more difficult each day to make our children disciplined, themedguru.com offers some insight into the problems that might help in instilling discipline in them.

Incidents of childhood crime are on a rise and parents are constantly required to walk the tight rope while teaching their children the art of ‘desirable behavior’.

Cynthia, a teacher in school, is frequently approached by parents with queries regarding their inability to train their children in basic discipline at home. She readily offers them enough tips, which both Cynthia and the parents realize, are easier said than done.

“I wish discipline was sold in the malls. We did all buy it for our children, irrespective of its cost”, laments Cynthia, who is sadly aware of how awfully, today’s kids score on their discipline quotient.

Importance of Discipline
Unless you as a parent are convinced of the benefits of discipline, it is impossible to convince them. Believing that the child will automatically get disciplined when he grows up is a fallacy. Also it is never too early to begin your child’s lessons about right and wrong.

A parent should understand that discipline does not mean punishment, rather it is more of lending lessons to your child regarding acceptable and unacceptable behavior so that the child grows up to become a more sensible citizen and a confident, tolerant and an emotionally strong human being.

Ways of Disciplining your Children
Parents can adopt three different styles of discipline.
1. authoritarian approach,
2. permissive approach and
3. authoritative approach

Those adopting the authoritarian approach covertly convey the message that their word is law. It, hence, encourages blind compliance and tends to kill the child’s natural curiosity and right to question. They follow orders only out of fear and not because they understand the consequences of non-compliance. It may seem effective outwardly, but defeats the very purpose of inculcating disciple, because the children would tend to misuse their liberty when left to themselves.

The other extreme are permissive parents who are of the belief that children are rational and sensible human beings and should hence be treated like one. Such parents encourage children to make their own judgments, forgetting that children require guidance at every instance and are incapable of judging their own actions. In spite of their noble intentions, they cannot make good disciplinarians and end up giving the world an even more confused adult.

It is an authoritative parent, who has been able to achieve a balance between the two extremes. They always complement their orders with the reasons why they expect their children to obey them. The children thus learn to establish a relationship between their actions and its consequences. These children feel more respected by their parents and reciprocate by respecting others. As adults, they tend to take better decisions.

Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcements always give better results than negative ones. It has been observed that corporal punishment such as hitting, and spanking are seldom effective in bringing about the desired results. In fact the child often tends to become all the more stubborn and violent.

For instance, it is better to say, “I would appreciate if you put your shoes away,” instead of saying “Dare you not get up and refuse putting your shoes away.” Never forget to appropriately acknowledge good behavior with suitable rewards and praises.

Continuous Reinforcement
Consistency is the key. Disciplining your child requires immense patience. Expecting instant results is both unfair and illogical. Learn to be patient. You might be required to repeat your teaching some umpteen number of times before the results become visible. It is important that you consistently upkeep the rule once established or else you run the risk of undermining your authority.

This does not mean that there can be no room for errors or second chances, but for most of the time, you should actualize what you say.

Criticize the Doing and Not the Doer
Make sure that when you rebuke, punish or criticize your child, the child understands that it is not him but the undesirable behavior displayed by him that you despise or criticize. Make sure your child understands that it is his misconduct that you are unhappy with and that you will always love him come what may.

Don’t be overly Critical
Don’t be too critical for too long. If you are critical of your child’s behavior all the while, there will come a time when your child will stop listening to you. Remember, your kid is not an adult and enjoy his innocence rather than trying in vain to make a mature adult out of him.

Subjecting your child to a severe punishment for too long can make him feel that he has nothing to lose now and hence he might refuse to correct his fault.

Practice what you Preach
Be a good role model to your child. There is no point harping upon a certain rule unless you yourself practice it too. Practice speaks louder than precept. For example if you have laid down a rule of just one ice cream for your child in a week, make sure that you stick to this principle as well.

Each child is different and what works in case of one might bear no results in another’s case. As a parent, be ready to experiment with love and reprimand alike, to help your child grow as a complete human.