Taming your Child’s Temper Tantrums

Are you one of those parents afraid to say no to their children for fear of triggering a temper tantrum? Themedguru.com tells you how to calm the stormy kid.

About 80 percent of children display such erratic behavior between the age groups of 1 and 4 years. About 20 percent of children aged 2 and 10 percent of children aged 4 throw temper tantrums every day.

Temper tantrums are common among both boys and girls, and chances of you having experienced one even when you did not have children are pretty bright. While such tantrums can put parents in an extremely embarrassing situation, they must remember it is equally hard on their kids. Themedguru tries to nail the underlying causes of such behavior.

What is a Temper Tantrum?
Temper tantrums, also known as acting-out behavior, are unplanned or unintentional emotional outbursts exhibited in response to an unfulfilled demand of the child. Typically expressed by crying, yelling and kicking, such an outburst can last from anywhere between 30 seconds and 2 minutes. These emotional outbursts tend to be most severe in the beginning and get milder as the child’s energy levels subside.

In certain cases, the temper tantrums may last longer and may even be followed by physical aggression such as biting, pinching, or hitting. This can be attributed to a behavioral disorder or a certain medical problem.

Why do Children Throw Such Tantrums?
Children do it to affirm their independence during their growing-up stages as an individual, a separate entity from their parents. Hence, when a child is denied what he thinks rightfully belongs to him, he displays anger and frustration by throwing a tantrum. This is his way of displaying ‘control’.

The child’s anger is often aggravated by the fact that he does not possess a sufficient vocabulary to express his feelings, whether sorrow, anger or annoyance. These temper tantrums start surfacing at the age of 12-18 months and are at their worst between 2 and 3 years of age. From the age of 4, however, tantrums should decline rapidly and should be rarely witnessed thereafter.

A tantrum is just your child’s way of stressing that he wishes to be independent and not be dictated terms so often. Therefore, every time he thinks you are interfering with his bid at independence, he will throw a tantrum. For example, you can expect one if your child wishes to open the packaging of his toy and you declare it’s time for dinner.

Effective Tactics to Deal with a Temper Tantrum
When tantrums occur in public places they cause more embarrassment to the parents than they do when at home, and for obvious reasons. But irrespective of the place where they occur, you can practice a few tactics that can eventually prevent recurrence.

Don’t React
Your first reaction should be that of ‘no reaction’ at all. It is okay to acknowledge your child’s emotions, but don't spend too much time on them. You must send a quick message that you will listen only when he stops reacting the way he is doing at the moment. An attitude of indifference is the quickest way to pacify the child.

Don't Reward Child with Attention
Never ever reward your child by giving him all the attention he wants when he is throwing a tantrum. Stay calm and explain things to him in a matter of fact manner. Don's use a commanding tone as orders are likely to be resisted.

Don't Say No Unless Absolutely Necessary
Don’t let your egos clash over insignificant issues such as which shoes to wear or which plate to eat in. According to an expert from the American Academy of Pediatrics, "while your toddler or preschooler will be saying 'no' to everything, you should do so only the few times a day when it is absolutely necessary."

Nurture Independence in your Child
Offer independence to your child whenever possible. For example, let him choose his clothes or biscuits. A child who is given independence is more likely to follow rules when he must.

Try Gentle Distractions
Try gentle distractions such as narrating an incident that might catch your child’s attention or something attractive if you are outdoors. This might help you divert the child’s attention and help him forget the tantrum.

How to Prevent a Tantrum?
You can also follow a few rules to keep tantrums at bay. Although it is practically impossible to eliminate their occurrence altogether, you can take the precaution of avoiding factors that aggravate such episodes. Certain factors such as hunger, fatigue, stress, child’s environment, age and his general temperament determine the intensity and frequency of tantrums.

As a parent, you can take care that these factors are absent. Make sure your child gets proper sleep and rest during the day. The pleasure of doing certain activities together, like reading story books or coloring, can also help prevent tantrums.

When do I Need to Visit a Pediatrician?
Tantrums are a natural part of growing-up, so take it as just another unpleasant passing phase. However, you might need expert help if the tantrums get worse after the age of four, or are causing serious damage to either the child, or others around him.